An Open Letter

An Open Letter To The Bar Exam


Dear Bar Exam,

For the last three years I have known that you would be the final obstacle in the path to my freedom. I have been taught to fear and respect you. Some of my professors believe you are a necessary evil. Others whisper to me that you are an unconstitutional hazing ritual that The Bar forces on people to keep attorney salaries inflated and to ensure that the learned profession remains an elite one.

There have been times that I feared you. I have found myself short of breath just thinking about the consequences of being defeated by you when battle is finally joined in July. Like many successful Generals before me, I have even chosen my battleground State, partially because of optimistic passage scores.

The past three years I have trained to understand you, to get under your skin, and finally, to destroy you. However, that training will be nothing to regimen I shall soon undertake. I will sharpen my knowledge to a scalpel like precision. I will learn to strike at upwards of 15 issues in a mere 45 minutes. I will master the ancient art of timing bathroom breaks to match the appropriate break times I am given by the Tyrannical Bar Proctors.

Perhaps you believe that my confidence will be my downfall? You are wrong. I have seen the empty shells of the men and women that you have ravaged before me. I have watched egos come crashing down like once mighty oak trees. I would not be so foolish to underestimate your power.

But I refuse to fear you. Though I know that my success is not guaranteed, I plan on laying waste to everything you are. I will not attempt to merely pass you. No...I will try to injure you so deeply that your unborn children will bare the scars of your humiliation. From hence forth, those who look upon me shall see that while I may have been bloodied, I was clearly the victor.

And after that, I will join my peers in forcing you on the unfortunate graduates who attempt to enter my learned profession. You will be my partially brain dead guard dog that flings himself upon those he does not know. I will also kick you when I am angry. Yours will be a dirty life of servitude to me and my peers. My future is a bright one, but your future is full of sorrow and pain.

Sincerely,

Anonymous Law Student