Not Everyone Can Be Reasonable

(Heston Cat)


My neighbor pulled a stunt this weekend. All day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday he had his stereo turned up to the maximum level. He wasn't home while the stereo was blaring out the unending heavy metal. He was probably on some sort of primordial jackass plane of existence where he recharges at least once a day.

I called the landlord and threatened to break the lease and also generally ranted at the answering machine (landlord doesn't answer the phone on weekends and I loves me some ranting at machines).

The music kept going; night crept up on the apartment complex. It became clear that his intention was to make everyone in the building miserable until he felt like coming back from the dimension of assholery and feces that he resides in when he is not in his human form on Earth. The police were called. The police banged on his door a few times, but when nobody answered, they shrugged and went on their way.

The landlord called me back this morning and told me that they had received complaints from four tenants and that they would be giving him a stern talkin' to. I let her know that he threatened me about a week and a half ago when I had a few friends over. Here's what happened.

Asshole Neighbor: "I CAN HEAR THE VIBRATIONS OF YOUR TV!"

aLs: "My TV isn't on. It's just me and a few guys having a conversation."

Asshole Neighbor: "I HAVE WORK AT 5AM!"

aLs: "Well I'm sorry, but we're already keeping our voices down. If you are so sensitive to sound, then you need to either purchase ear plugs or move into a home, because apartment buildings aren't totally soundproof."

Asshole Neighbor: (As he turned and left) "I'm going to fuckin' get your ass."

aLs: (In my most calm, curt voice) "Sounds good buddy. Oh by the way, why don't you go fuck yourself, you piece of shit, white trash hillbilly."

Before you feel empathy for him, I'd like to say that we really were being quiet. This neighbor complains about even the slightest sound. He gets upset when I walk around the apartment after 8PM. He'll start banging on the ceiling and calling the landlord to report me for noise violations. I believe the stunt he pulled this weekend was revenge for the perceived wrong from last week.

I'm so tired of living in apartment buildings. I always end up with loser neighbors that throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way. I'm also tired of landlords. I feel like I always have an adversarial relationship with them.



In NEW STATE, I will live in a house. I have no idea how nice of a house it will be. To cut down on costs I will be renting the house with my broheem. I'm really looking forward to it actually. We haven't lived together since I left home for college almost a decade ago.

Good times. Good times.

aLs