My First Loss

My first loss was completely my fault.

When going to trial, a person is required to prove 5 basic things. The sixth thing is just something you never want to forget to ask about.

Location
Offense
Venue
Identity
Date
Admissions

I messed up the identity. The officer could not remember how he identified the defendant at the scene. He never indicated on the ticket or in his report how he managed this feat. The seasoned defense attorney (total jackass) objected every few questions to shake me up and throw me off my train of thought. It worked. I didn't sufficiently establish the identity element, nor did I do a very good job with the constructive possession element of the case.

Even though I lost the case, I think the real loser was the defense attorney.

At the end of the trial, he came up to my desk and rudely tossed a stack of papers in front of me and said, "even if you hadn't messed up the identity, you still would have lost. You couldn't prove the possession."

First off, if you are 20-30 years my senior, you should be more mature. Secondly, if you have been practicing law that long you should have a grasp on the concept of constructive possession. I read over those papers and he was completely wrong. I might have messed up the case, but it was more than provable.

But seriously, bullying an intern? I may have lost my case, but when he rudely tossed those papers at me in front of the entire court room (gaining the ire of the judge), he showed that he has no dignity. I'd much rather lose and conduct myself professionally than win and be regarded as a total prick.

Lessons Learned:

1. When I see a defendant is represented by an attorney in a relatively small matter I need to be really prepared. Attorneys fight dirty over the smallest things.

2. Being old doesn't mean being mature or wise.

3. From here out, I will identify the living hell out of my defendant. Never again will I screw that element up.

I've upgraded my computer. I even threw in a copy of Vista for a good laugh (don't do it unless you are ready to go to 64-bit). I'm really happy with the outcome (except Vista, I'm kinda wishing I hadn't upgraded to it). My computer's name is officially: OVERMIND

I almost named it "Cleaver Von SoulRaper." It was a close second.

I tire.

aLs

What an Ass

The Blockbuster down the street has a scam going. They tell you that the movies are two night rentals. The thing about that is that they count the day you rented the movie. So if you go to rent a movie at 10pm on a Saturday, it's due back before midnight on Sunday. So calling it a two day rental is a big load of bullshit.

I had a bad day this week. During court trials, I had witnesses decide not to show up for five cases. I had to dismiss all of them. Even when I'm dealing with a small case, it just makes me want to throw a tantrum when I lose over something like that.

For the first time in my legal career, I saw a defense attorney doing his job and all I could think about is how scummy he was. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he was scummy because he is a defense attorney...I'm saying he's scummy because of the way he goes about doing his job.

Most of my work for the week was finished so I was watching a DUI trial. In this case, the defendant (who was on her second DUI) refused to take the breathalyser when she was taken to the jail. There was a lot of evidence that she was drunk, but as we all know, without a reading from the breathalyser it is a lot harder to prove that she was actually intoxicated.

Her attorney spent most of the day injecting confusion and bullshit into the jury. He tried to make the field sobriety tests seem comical, stupid, inefficient, and totally useless. Forget the fact that these tests all have a strong basis in science. He tried to make irrelevant points like, "but officer, you would agree that my client was polite the entire evening, correct?" Then he would say, "and isn't it true that many inebriated people that you deal with are belligerent?"

Because you can't be polite and drunk at the same time??? Only the most mindblowingly stupid jury could fall for something like that.

I guess you have to decide what the attorney's job is. If his job is simply to win, at any cost, than he is doing a decent job. If his job is to help the system reach a just verdict, then this man is a piece of trash. He is the slimy stereotypical lawyer that people believe represents all attorneys. If his client was innocent, why couldn't he win on the facts? Why did he spent 6 hours trying to distract the jury from the real issues?

Does he go home at night and feel good about what he does for a living? If I were him, I couldn't.

I lose respect for someone who is clearly guilty that fights all the way. It says to me that they don't take ownership for their actions. In her case, it means that she doesn't feel that driving drunk was that bad. That she is somehow above the law.

Luckily the jury wasn't made up of morons. She lost. I hope she enjoys her second conviction.

I want to say again that I am not attacking defense attorneys as a whole. I think that PD's and defense attorneys fight the good fight. They are just as crucial, honorable, and important as everyone else in the system.

Just not this guy. What an ass.

aLs

More Job Stuff

As I sit here in my room listening to Mexican rap music, I am pondering the case of Roy Pearson. Judge Pearson is suing a dry cleaning service for 67 million dollars. His feeling is that the pair of pants that they lost (and later found) is worth that kind of money.

At his trial today he ran out in tears when recalling those amazing pants. I can literally feel attorneys across the nation cringing every time this asshole makes the news. Why he hasn't been removed from his job? Anyone that thinks this lawsuit makes sense is wholly unqualified to sit on any kind of bench, even a park bench. He should be disbarred. What a prick.

In other news, I'm learning that defense attorneys can be hard to deal with. Some of them try to intimidate me by holding things on for trial. Sadly, they do their clients a disservice when they do this. Many of their clients will end up with harsher sentences because the attorneys felt the need to reject a standard offer in a bid to intimidate the intern.

I'm not intimidated, I'm irritated at the disrespect. Other then that, if they want to do a disservice to their clients, that's their deal. Is it unethical to put one's ego before the client? I think so, but I'm sure they have another perspective. Several of the cases that got held on for trial today could not be won by even the most brilliant of attorneys. These cases are so clear cut that it is simply astonishing that a deal could not be worked out.

I tire. How is everyone else's summer going?

aLs

100% Winner (It's all downhill from here)

I had my first court trial today.

A court trial is like a normal trial, but without a jury. Most often you will find one of these in a setting where the stakes are low or when a jury would not be able to make a decision on the facts without getting bogged down by emotion.

I won.

That means my win rate is 100%. I have never lost a case. It's all downhill from here on out. I'm still blown away that I get paid for this stuff. Doing battle in front of a judge is literally a high for me. I can't believe someone would actually pay me for this...I'd gladly do it for free.

I'm seeing how good some defense attorneys can be. The worst ones go in like a bull and let their ego get in the way. They try to get what they what through sheer will...they use brute force. The better ones come in with a "how can I get you to compromise or see this from my angle" type of mindset. Some of these guys (and gals) are so good at making their point that I have to do everything in my power to keep myself from dropping all the charges and giving their client a handshake.

I've also learned that everyone has a sob story. This is going to cost them their job. This is going to cause a divorce. They can't make rent. Hmmm....why did they get sloshed and drive then? Why did they pistol whip their wife? They aren't losing your job because of the prosecutor. They're are losing your job because they thought they could break the law and get away with it. I feel for 'em, and I want to help, but I can't. Everyone has a sob story. I have to save my discretion for someone that really really really needs it. Most people only kinda do.

I rode along with a cop this weekend. I saw a guy get busted for cocaine and DUI. He really walked into this one. Without going into specifics, he would never have been caught unless he insisted on bringing his wallet to the police station (which contained cocaine). Seriously dude, how retarded can you get?

My friend Svetlana (not her real name! You'd never know if I didn't tell you) is visiting. She's a motivational speaker from Greenland. Her niche in the field is that she can make up a motivational speech about anything. She's currently in town to give several speeches. One is for depressed creationists (she's an atheist). Another speech is on how to run your own business (ie., how to start your own pyramid scheme). She tells me that there is nothing wrong with the pyramid scheme thing because she's not the one actually running them. She's like a gun store. If someone takes her product and actually shoots someone, the blood is on their hands. Finally, her last speech is for pet owners with severe allergies. Those people need a lot of support sometimes. They live a life of constant sneezing and itching. Svetlana once kicked a cat just to watch it fly.

Gotta go so I'll be ready for more fun tomorrow.

aLs

The First Time

The first time I ever spoke in court was at an arraignment. I set the bond for a piece of dirt that likes to hit his girlfriend. This last time, he bit her on the thighs and drew blood. Then he tried to tackle the cops when they showed up. I also got a No Contact Order put on him.

The first time I sent someone to jail they had an active warrant. I got them to plead guilty to a few offenses, then I let the clerk know that the man in the gallery had an active warrant.

The first time I ever got a C- in law school was for landlord tenant. It was like a nuclear weapon on my rank and gpa. I went from being near the top of my class to...well who knows where. I will never regain my old position again. A lot of attorneys tell me that grades don't matter that much...but it still hurts. All that work, gone instantaneously.

The first time I knew law school was the right decision was sometime this last week or two. The last few weeks have been so much fun. I am constantly challenged, I love dealing with the other attorneys. Seeing the system at work from behind the curtains is incredibly entertaining.

The first time I rode along with a police officer is tonight. I'll be running around town with the cops for 4 hours tonight. 12AM-4AM. I hope I get to see some cool shite.

Sorry for the lack of posts. I've been really busy and internet is hard to come by out here. Hope everyone is doing well this summer.

aLs