Update

I am now in charge of my own cases. There are about fifty of them on my desk. I haven't looked at most of them yet, but I'm already getting calls from other attorneys that want to make a deal.

I think it's insanely fun.

It's hard to talk about my job because I really would prefer not to give away its location. Most work places frown on blogs and whatnot.

Perhaps the most important thing I think I am learning from my job is that law school has absolutely nothing to do with the real world. At my current job, there are only several flavors of law that are important to what I am doing. Even those don't pop up continuously.

I realize my job is different from what other people do and therefore I can't say that because other skills and information are more important here that they would be more important for everyone else...but still. How sheltered law school is! We should be learning the law by applying it. I have learned more in the last week about how the courts (the ones I deal with) operate than I have in my entirety of law school.

I've also learned that Cheerios suck at filling me up. It's like I'm totally hungry before 10am rolls around. By lunch I am ravenous.

I think I need to go for a walk or something. It is beyond beautiful out today.

aLs

The morning began as most do when I am having to wear a suit for the first time in 6 months. I woke up several hous before I had to be at work and nervously ate my Cheerios. After taking a shower I spent about 30 minutes trying to make my tie go on correctly. Don't laugh at me, they are harder to get than you'd think. I'm getting better though, I got it in just a few minutes today.

I circled the city looking for decent parking. Eventually I found a place that I could park for $5 a day and took it. At this point I was 45 minutes early to work. I didn't want to go in that early, so I got myself some coffee at a coffee shop across the street.

A girl in a suit was holding a cup of coffee and nervously eyeing me. After a minute she asked "are you an intern at Anonymous Office?"

"What gave it away? My suit, or me staring at it across the street with a terrified look on my face?"

Her name is Errand and she's also an intern where I'm working. Later on we met my friend T who is also interning with at Anonymous Office.

Things went really well. The attorney who is in charge of training us is really nice and fun to be around. The office had a palpable upbeat positive attitude. Everyone seemed to be in a pretty good mood and happy to meet us. It helps that half the attorneys in this office graduated from my law school. The other half graduated from Anonymous Law School in Anonymous State.

We went to court and watched the supervising attorney do her thing. It was really exciting to watch all the attorneys come to agreements on most of the cases. It seems clear to me that knowing how to wheel and deal is an important skill.

Today I watched a bench trial and a jury trial. The fun part about the jury trial was spotting a hearsay error that the judge made. Also, the opening statements by both the prosecutor and the defense attorney were horrible. I felt like, just knowing the basics of the case, I could have done a much much better job. I know that it is a lot harder than it looks, but these were bad. The prosecutor didn't do a good job laying out what she was trying to prove and the defense attorney's slightly stuttered response was barely able to convey anything to me.

I'm so glad I took this career path. I'm having the time of my life. I could see how other people would find what I do to be boring, but to me it's exciting. I feel like every case is a game that I'm trying to win. It's a mental challenge.

I like games and I love challenges.

aLs

It Went Well

Everything went well today. I'll give you more tomorrow when I get a chance to catch my breath. Thanks to all the well wishers!

aLs

Go Away You Horrible Screaming Midgets!!!

I've been calling them Gremlins, but it is now clear to me that that label is incorrect. You see, the neighborhood children have been screeching at 2000 decibels all day freaking long without pause. Until moments ago, it seemed like they might never stop.

Then the rain came.

If the neighborhood children were really Gremlins, they would have multiplied. As we all know, that is how gremlins replicate themselves. The neighborhood children did not multiply. They stopped their shrill war cries and went into their respective homes. Thank the Lords of Kobol for that.

The more I think about it, the more I think I may never want children. I suppose if the right woman came along and some magical switch got thrown in my head I could feel differently, but for now I can't imagine how much it would suck to have kids. They're loud, gross, and annoying. Don't get me wrong, I like children...as an abstract ideal. I just don't like having to interact with them on an kind of extended basis. I just feel like I have more interesting things to do than to hang out around a short retarded person that eats up money like a fat guy at the pizza hut buffet.

Tomorrow is my big day. Tune in for an update after work. That way you can vicariously experience my painful failure. Or mock me. Or both.

aLs

Work NOW Anonymous Law Slave!

I have one day left before I start my job. I'm experiencing a mixture of fear, anxiety, excitement, fear, anxiety, fear, anxiety, anxiety, fear.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have this job, but I am absolutely terrified. Why? It dawned on me the other day that this summer will probably be the most important summer of my life.

If I do well at this job and I get an offer it will determine where I work, what part of the country I live in, what kind of law I practice, the whole schibang. If I don't do well, then who knows where I will go from here.

I absolutely hate the first week or two of any job. I always feel helpless and inept. I have no idea where anything is or how to do even the simplest of tasks. I have to deal with meeting lots of new people...it's very stressful.

The best damn news I've heard in a long time.

Speaking of zombies.

Have you seen this propoganda? There are three chapters to it. Look to the side of the site to see the other two chapters. Thanks go to Elle at Legally Blonde for the link.

The very idea that zombies could be humanlike or friendly makes me so angry. Putting out this kind of false information only clouds the legitimate scientific research that zombologists like myself have worked hard to compile. Furthermore, this kind of gross misinformation is going to cost people their lives. Anyone that has read the piece of research known as World War Z knows that misinformation could lead to the death of billions in a zombie war. Sickening. Truly Sickening.

Relaxing in City X

I'm sitting on the deck of my new house. I am renting a room in City X this summer. The crazy twist to that is that my roommates aren't going to be here for most of the summer. So for the low rate of 300 dollars a month, I have a whole house to myself. Furthermore, it's a nice house. Hardwood floors, deck out back, comfortable furniture, free bed, kitchen ready to go.



The drive down here was awesome. If you ever get a chance to travel from Anonymous City to Anonymous City, you should do it. I even drew you a map.

For the most part, finals went off without a hitch. I walked out of every exam feeling like I had definitely made the curve and that if I got lucky, maybe I broke it.

Now that I'm all alone again I've been enjoying my quiet time. However, I can see getting lonely pretty fast. Lucky for me I'll have a job soon and then I'll be too busy to get lonely. Also, my friend Linz is coming to town tonight.

My anxiety level over my job is pretty high. I'm trying to relax, but I am super nervous. There have been some holdups in getting my limited license. The local bar lost my processing check and altogether it took about 3 weeks to fix that problem. Now I'm waiting for the court to give its stamp of approval. I spoke with my supervisor at my job and she called the clerk at the court to see if he could speed it along. I was so embarrassed that I had to get my supervisor's help, but I thought it would be even worse to show up at work and not be able to do the job that I've been hired to do.

I went and saw 28 weeks later. I liked it much. It was an incredible piece of zomboligist research. I'm going to have to study it some more before I can give it a more in depth analysis. Needless to say, during a zombie invasion, the army is not your friend. Also, shoot anyone that gets bitten, regardless of their transformation status.

Hungry. Food.

aLs

Two Years Old

My favorite quote during finals came from my friend Neo. My friend J and I were talking about a final that we had just finished moments ago when Neo said "Guys, FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS WE DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB." Then J tried to say something like "well wait, just one more thing" and Neo responded by saying "SECOND RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB."

Good times.

I just realized that during finals I failed to notice that this blog turned 2 years old. Yay for me. I wonder if I can make it go for another year?

I went to labor law with zero sleep. I sat in my apartment in the middle of the night and crammed like there was no tomorrow. The professor had been nice enough to shrink her outline down to 7 pages of absolutely essential things. I had to read the bigger outline (50 pages or so) to have any understanding of what the 7 page one was trying to say.

In the end I was able to cram three or four very large acronyms into my head and memorize some tests, some policy, and some clever thoughts of my own. I imagine that I at least hit the curve on this one. The problem is that the exam didn't feel like it had that many issues, so I don't know if I had much of a chance to break the curve. Anyhow....

Now my Landlord-Tenant class is all that stands in my way of being done. So far I have felled Evidence, Zoning, Labor Law, and Legal Writing. Needless to say, I took some hard classes this semester. Next semester should be easier.

Zoning is Dead

Thank the Lords of Kobol, my zoning final lies dead, slain at the hands of aLs. The battle was bloody and long. I spent every waking moment for the last week preparing for that exam. Who knew that zoning could be so hard, and so dull? Dull I saw coming...difficult, that took me by surprise. Now I know why those attorneys make so much money. They have hard, boring jobs.

Now that Evidence and Zoning lie dead and dying, I prepare for Labor Law. I have that exam in 7 and 1/2 hours. I will not sleep tonight, for I have not yet studied any labor law. Wish me good luck.

Girl approaches, I must go.

aLs

Per Usual, Not Ready

In a few hours I take my zoning exam. I'm not even close to ready.

It ends at 9pm. Then I have to come home, and cram for Labor Law. I haven't reviewed anything for that exam yet.

It starts at 9AM.

When that exam ends, I will come home and sleep. Tonight will be an all nighter, so I imagine I'm going to be exhausted come noon tomorrow.

When I wake up from that nap, I get to work on my take home exam. I have about a day to knock that one out.

Isn't life grand?!

aLs

DU HAST LAW SCHOOL

I HATE FINALS

I HATE LAW SCHOOL

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN ELECTRICIAN


ALS

Spring Semester Is Torture

Several things come together to make the Spring semester of law school especially horrendous. That's what's on my mind, so let's talk about it.

1) No Money

Like most students in this country I suckle at the teat of society. All my money is borrowed. I get money twice or sometimes three times a year. At the end of the semester I am usually foraging for food in my apartment, forced to eat Garbanzo beans and moldy rice. When my internship starts I'll have cash again, but that's a ways away.

2) Beautiful Outside

It's beautiful outside, but I can have none of it. I spend every day in my dank apartment, thinking of what once was and what could have been. If I'm ever a Judge, court will be held on the front lawn when the weather permits. Anyone who has a problem with this will be held for contempt of lawn court.

3) I hate Learning

I'm tired of it. I've been learning sh*t my whole life. What if I die tomorrow? I will have spent a quarter century doing nothing important. I feel like Neil Armstrong must have felt when the launch pad operator originally announced that the T-Minus 10 countdown had been changed to T-Minus 576,421. Do not tell post a comment that tells me "but aLs, you will always need to learn new things." Shove it. Not like this I won't. Not for years at a time with little to no application.

Think I can cram a whole semester of Zoning law into one day of intense studying? I think I can. Does it really matter either way? Nope! In ten years, nobody will care! Shoot, in ten months, nobody will care.

aLs

Roy Pearson Sucks

Roy Pearson is a Judge in DC. He's also a total prick. Get this, he is suing his local dry cleaner for 65 million dollars! That's right. They lost his pants and now he's pissed. He also wants half a million dollars in emotional damages. Waaaa, I couldn't wear my favorite pants on an important day. CRY ME A RIVER ASSHOLE.

His local bar should strip him of his license to practice. He is using the law as a dirty weapon. He knows he won't win, but he knows that he can destroy the lives of the local dry cleaners. This man deserves the ridicule he is receiving across the country right now. I hope he seriously rethinks law as his career.

Instead, he should be a clown. He's just so talented at entertaining the country with his ridiculous antics, it would be a perfect fit for him.

Suing for 65 million dollars causes stupid one-sided articles like this one.

Anonymous Coworker believes, incorrectly, that a zombie scratch isn't a big deal. I'm working on compiling some of my research right now, to prove him wrong.

I will answer the question in the comments section, "What happens if a bigfoot goes up against zombies?"

Well, there is no such thing as Bigfoot. That's the first problem. If there was, the Bigfoot would lose. His brute strength would allow him to tear a few zombies apart, but he would inevitably be bitten and scratched...resulting in....ZOMBIEFOOT. As one of the nation's foremost Zombologists, I don't even want to comment on the incredible danger a Zombiefoot would pose. Let's just hope it never happens.

Pepper spray was a good idea.
Douggernaut, in case of zombie attack, you're with me...

aLs