Due 4pm yesterday?! You're Kidding!

Before you send me hate mail, I'm Christian. A store brand, generic, middle of the road, Pat Roberton hatin', progressive Christian.

I opened an email today at 5pm. It was sent out yesterday at noon. The email read, "If your attendance sheet is not in at 4PM this afternoon, you will not receive a grade for property. Thankyou."

Well I can tell you several things.

1) My attendance sheet is most definitely not in.
2) It is indeed possible for someone my age to experience a heart attack.
3) I'd rather jump into a swimming pool full of rusty nails, eat burning hot coals, and take a nice lemon juice shower than have to redo property.


It's nothing against the professor, she's one of my favorites....but you don't understand...a solitary confinement cell in folsom or sing sing has to be more entertaining than property class.

I did not experience a heart attack...but holy hell I came as close as possible. I instantly started writing up an excuse laden email and calling other students to yell at them in tongues. Lucky for me, none of those students were answering their phones. If they had answered, I would have prophecized the end times.....

As soon as my angry/freaked out email finished sending, I noticed that a few more had come in after the one that set the deadline at 4PM yesterday. One of the emails read:

"Because so many of you failed to get your attendance sheet in and because of some confusion about the deadline, it has been extended to next Tuesday at 4PM. Thanks."

I instantly took two shots of vodka to cool my nerves. (That's a lie).

If there was some kind of Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress statute I could use to get my revenge, I most certainly would use it. However, as it stands, there isn't. So instead I tortured a dandelion. If you do a good enough job, you can almost hear the dandelion scream.

I have been memorizing Supreme Court stuff word for word. It sounds stupid, but the Con Law professor is so picky about what students say that the only safe thing to do is to prememorize everything we plan on saying. That way, if she has a problem with what we say, she is really saying she has a problem with what Justice Marshall said or what one of the other Justices have said.

You do not want to tell Scalia he said something wrong. He'll sit on your head. It did it once. I saw it. I swear.

Freedom Countdown: T-Minus 10 Days.

aLs

Mockingbird In Texas

There's an evil bird attacking law students in Texas. We must show solidarity on this issue my brothers. We don't have to kill the bird, but maybe we can knock its tree over...that might work.

Here's the link, it's an incredible post by Moonlighting In Misery

You can also find his link on my roll now. I highly recommend you check this one out.

aLs

A Milestone? Nope.

Today was the last day of classes for my 1L year. This is not an accomplishment though. The hard part of the semester is just now starting to spool up. That's right, finals. Finals loom large on the horizon. They are the ever present threat that is always clear in the mind of the 1L. They're probably clear in the minds of 2L's and 3L's, but I don't really know since I haven't been that yet.

I for one can't wait to get finals out of the way. Because once the horror is over, it's over. In the words of Tom Waits...

"You can never go back, and the answer is no. Wishing otherwise just makes it bleed more."

My civ pro professor got applause when she finished up today. Many of our other professors are well liked, but they didn't get any applause. I think it's because our civ pro professor is really what every law professor should strive to be like. She doesn't pull punches, she treats students with respect, she strikes fear, awe, and deep respect into her students, and she makes good with the funny. Also, she sticks to her syllabus like stink on camel. I can't tell you how important that particular trait is to me.

Tonight I'm having dinner with my property professor. I won a contest and the prize was 4 tickets to dinner with the property professor at a nice restaurant in town. I gave the other tickets to friends of mine. The dinner should be fun. I've heard good things about the food at this restaurant and the people coming with me are all pretty cool. After dinner, we're going to bring this town to its knees!

Here's hopin' I'm not hungover tomorrow.

aLs

Two Posts, One Day

I've added two new links to my blogroll. The first link is to Defending Those People, a blog I've been reading for a few weeks now. The writer is a defense attorney and there's lots of interesting stuff to page through over there. Surf over to his blawg and leave him a comment. If you tell him that aLs sent you, you'll get 20% off and a free ginsu knife set.

The second link is to Have Opinion Will Travel. I believe the writer is an Appellate Judge, but I'm not quite sure. Either way, it's one of my recent favorites. I highly recommend you look at his post from a few days ago about the horribly written briefs...listen to the audio clip, it's priceless.

aLs

The Bakery

I spent the early afternoon studying with The Sheriff at a bakery on the other side of town. The bakery is a very nice coffee shop nestled into the middle of a neighborhood. The inside is all hardwood floors and nice tables. There's a deck outside for enjoying the beautiful weather we've been having here.

In the last two and a half days I've read 450 pages out of my con law primer. That almost covers the entire semester of material.

I'm nervous about this exam because con law is a difficult course for me. Almost all the rules for deciding the constitutionality of something come off as either arbritrary, political, abstract, or just plain silly. Furthermore, the professor that is teaching it is one of those professors that responds well to hearing things parroted back to her the exact way she said it to us. This naturally puts me at a disadvantage because I don't take notes. I use primers and whatever I pick up in class....this means my answers are usually in my own words or mimic Cherminsky or whoever the author of my book happens to be.

It is definitely time to really start diggin in. I've noticed that other students aren't answering their phones, aren't online as much, and seem a bit more wired on coffee than usual.

14 days remain in the gauntlet.

Never kick a duck. Trust me.

aLs

IRS = Mind Games

I received my income tax refund today. Just two days ago I received a letter telling me my return would show up in mid-may. I don't know what to expect from the IRS next....part of me fears that they will send paratroopers to recover the check that was delivered before I was able to experience total financial ruin.

Thankyou IRS for saving me from that fate. I was seriously to the point of not being able to do laundry.

These links will make you laugh your ass off. I place them in the order that I find them most amusing.

Why men don't ask for directions.

Pokementos

How A Real Man Apologizes

I have to get back to studying. Remember folks, never pet a burning dog.

aLs

Statue Molestor

Why would I post this? Because I can.

See more of these at: www.statuemolestors.com

IRS = Dag Nabbit!!!

I got a letter from the IRS today.

We are sorry to inform you that direct deposit is not a service available to anyone requesting returns from previous years. You should receive your tax return in about 3 weeks. If that's a problem for you, I'm sure you could rent a gun and purchase a bullet. Please remember that one-time gun rental is not deductable as a mental health expense.

Thankyou,
Your Friendly IRS

I am down to about 70 dollars. The phone company calls me about 10 times a day now...but they'll quit doing that after they cut the service off completely. I hope that doesn't mean I've breached the contract.

Cable, internet, and electricity should be fine for a few more weeks. My rent for next month is covered.

I say this every semester, but I'm really going to budget this stuff out next time around. This whole thing makes me want to sit in the park, eat snow cones, and throw rocks at lawn gnomes. I'm sure you know what that feeling is like.

I spent quite a few hours today reading for con law. I cannot tell you how much I hate con law. All the Judges commit intellectual fraud. They find ways to make their personal opinions fit into the constitution. This is true, regardless of the political persuasion of the Justice. Liberal, Conservative, it doesn't matter.

I have to go now.

I may not be ON TIME
But I'm IN TIME
You Dig!?

aLs

Happy Belated Birthday, Blog

Yesterday my blog turned 1. I would have had a little party and commemorated it with a really great post, but I was too busy drinking exotic coffee and looking for a giraffe. So anyways, here's a picture of a cake for my blog. I can't afford a real one.

The saga of 2p continues. Yesterday he did his usual "get up in the middle of class and make lots of noise leaving" trick. The funny thing is that sometimes the door in that classroom locks or jams when it's closed. When he tried to come back in we heard a loud *bang*...then nothing, then the door rattling loudly. Then a few more bangs. Then silence. The class is laughing was laughing its ass off at this point. Someone finally took some pity on the moron and opened the door for him. Until yesterday, I had never seen this guy embarrassed before...but needless to say, he finally was. Sweet......Sweet Karma.

One of my friends got the shit embarrassed out of her today in class. Ms. T's cellphone went off in the middle of civil procedure. The teacher's face lit up and she said "who's cellphone is that? Who's cellphone is that!?" The professor honed in on the sound and narrowed it down to two students.

"Is that your phone Ms. S?"

"Uhhh, no, not me."

"Is that your phone Ms. T?" The civ pro teacher advanced to where Ms. T was sitting.

"Uhhh..yes, it's my phone" Ms. T said meekly.

"Let me answer it please." Ms. T handed it to the professor. Nobody can resist the power of the civ pro professor when she demands sacrifice!

"Hello?! This is Ms. T's phone! Nope, I'm her civil procedure professor. Yeah. Yup. Uhuh. No I'm sorry, Ms. T is in class right now. Can I take a message? Okay. Alright, I'll have her call you later. Okay, Thanks, bye!"

The whole time, the class is going nuts with laughter. Our civ pro teacher has been trying to answer a phone all year, but people have always been fast enough to turn their phones off before she could catch them. Some people were so pleased that they even started clapping after the professor hung the phone up.

I kind of felt bad for Ms. T. She has forgotten to turn off her cellphone before though...I doubt that after this she will be bringing her cellphone to class without checking to make sure it is off. While people were laughing and clapping Ms. T kind of had her face covered with her hands....I imagine that it was insanely embarrassing...but a great laugh for us...Oh man, that was classic.

Alright, I'm gonna go pour chicken broth in a vegetarian's soup.

aLs

Two That Stand Out

In the first year of law school students are divided into sections. These different sections have almost no interaction with each other. That means that there is a whole plethora of people that are in the same year, but don't know each other. It changes the second year when students are allowed to choose their own classes.

One consequence of this section thing is that students are forced to be near the same students all the time. This means if another law student has an annoying set of habits, it eventually transforms into a pet peeve for all the other students that have no choice but to endure it on a daily basis. I've decided to describe a few of the people that have made it onto my radar.

2L Prick: We'll call him 2P for short. 2p reads the freaking newspaper during class. Our professor for that class is kind of soft spoken and not the kind of professor that is really able to attack students that are out of line. This guy is a 2L and his newspaper reading is extremely blatant. It actually makes me feel bad for my property professor because nobody really knows how to respond to this prick. I mean, he has to have balls of steel to do this...but this isn't the only thing this clown does.

This is going to sound racist, but it isn't. 2p speaks super heavily accented English. It sounds like an Arab trapped in a microwave. Nobody in class knows what he is saying...the professor just nods. Sometimes when he talks I want to fall out of my chair laughing....I'm not laughing at him...I'm laughing at the horribly awkward situation it creates. Anyone that has ever had to deal with someone that is speaking "English", but isn't speaking "English", knows what I'm talking about.

Also, he gets up in the middle of every class, bangs the door on his way out. He then buys a bottle of water and some Grandma's cookies, then bangs the door on his way back in, sits down and snacks on them loudly. I hope he falls into a pit filled with lava and piranas. Piranas that can swim in lava.

Self UnAware Girl: SUG for short. SUG talks to herself in class. I'm not saying that she mumbles things to herself, I'm saying she carries on long involved conversations with herself. I have personally heard her berate herself out loud and disagree with herself at the same time. It's incredible. I know this drives other students nuts and I know it freaks out the professors....but what do you say to someone that is batshit crazy? Please stop being batshit crazy??? I think the professor is happy as long as this girl doesn't pull a knife and start singing out loud. I keep imagining her in court someday...yikes.


Tomorrow my friend Jeff K. (see: www.somethingawful.com) is coming over to chill out and watch movies. I've gotten to be pretty good friends with Jeff K. this semester. He is one of the only people I know here that has seen Hellraiser, 28 Days later, Night of the Living Dead, Home Movies, Sea Lab, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, and Aqua Team Hunger Force. I'm hyped that I've found a new movie friend. It may sound stupid to you, but I have now been watching Tv and Movies alone for about a year now. Sure, every now and then I'm able to entice a friend to watch something with me, but this potentially means I have a regular person to chill out with. Yay for me.

Alright, I'm going to go kill a giraffe or something.

aLs

Holy crap where did I go?

I went away. I went away for several reasons.

Reason 1: I've heard of other students in my school getting in trouble for having blogs that were a little politically incorrect. For the most part, my blog is harmless. However, I have spoken poorly about a few students on here in the past. I was afraid if anyone from my school ever got wind of this blog I could get into trouble. So, I got nervous and decided to stop posting.

I've had time to think about that decision. The biggest problem was that I couldn't yank the blog off the internet if someone got mad at me, because the search engines were caching everything I wrote. To deal with this, I have added a text file to my main directory which will keep these search engines from hanging out on my site. Yay for me.

Reason 2: I have been insanely busy. The reading hit me hard after Spring Break and I have never really been able to recover. I spent the whole break resting and working on a paper for my Constitutional Law class. After break I had some other projects and then I started on my Final Memo for my Legal Writing course.

On last Thursday I turned in my final memo. I was then given my Research Exam and 7 days to complete it. I took Thursday afternoon and Friday off. Then I started work on my exam Saturday, worked on it some more on Sunday, and finished it on Monday. Today I finished the online portion of the exam.

Tomorrow I turn it all in and begin the final push. I have to begin memorizing all the law that we've studied all semester so I can spew it out onto the exams. Knowing the general concepts isn't enough. I need to know the nooks and crannies of everything. After I take my exam I will begin forgetting this stuff quickly, but more than likely the general concepts will remain in my head. Yay for me.

My summer has been planned out. I have classes on Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday's for the first summer session. For the second summer session I have six hours of classes on Mondays, then the rest of the week off. That sounds like a vacation doesn't it? It kind of is a vacation. I have been working steadily since my Senior year in college. My longest breaks have been my 3 weeks off for Christmas. Maybe it was 4. Anyways, I need to relax. I think I can handle a really harsh Monday with 5 days off and then some intense reading on Sunday afternoon. That sounds like the perfect plan.

Anyways, I'm going to be updating regularly again. I'll let you know if I plan on disappearing like I did last time.

aLs